Sometimes I feel like I’ve lost my right arm. It’s easy for him because he replaced me, I however have this weird emptiness in my life. It’s like he died sometimes, I had this best friend who I could text every day and share stories with or cool things I heard or saw that day and now it just silence. It kills me knowing that no matter what I do it takes two people to make things right and I can try and try without anything happening. I am so confused by what happened, it seemed like all of a sudden he got a girlfriend and didn’t need me anymore so all the old issues converged into him hating me. I thought breaking up was bad but losing him in my life completely is worse. The hardest part is that I am doing so well, my parents said the change has been like night and day. I am happy, genuinely happy. I’m not scared or anxious anymore. I don’t feel hopeless and like i’m sinking. I’m social and confidant and just so much better to be around and talk with. I wanted to share that with him. I wanted to apologize that this is what it took for me to finally after almost 21 years figure my shit out. This is the version of me that should have been in a relationship. As much as I miss him I am so happy he did replace me, I really hope the best for him. Maybe one day far down the road we will reconnect but I am no longer counting on that. I had just hoped we could stay friends. In his own, round about, unintentional way he did fix me, just like he set out to do, I’m just sorry that now he will never see the results of that. It’s like an ice pick through my heart every time I think about how much he hates me now because I still care for him with my whole heart, I still worry and want him to be good. It’s hard to care so much for someone but then know that they probably wouldn’t blink an eye if you died in a car accident tomorrow. I hope he doesn’t hold these feelings for me for too long. His ex tried to steal his child and he is friendly with her now, so I hope that somewhere down the line there is a chance for me. Anyways I am done lamenting and rambling. No one reads these anyways.